Wednesday, 13 June 2012

Yesterdays News... Literelly

Today was a slow day for your Confessing Council Worker, no, I don't mean I've got nothing because I sat around drinking Tea all day, I actually had some normal people today...... It happens.

So I'll get you started with yesterdays finest pick of the bunch, not  the worst I'll say, but this tenant will definately stick in my mind for a while.

Work was running low today so I was handed one of our many emergencies:
"Check front and rear door locks - tenant unable to open / lock doors".

"Not a problem" I thought as I make my way to the tenant's property. Eventually I pull up to the property, "nothing strange, just another normal house" passes through your mind as I walk up the drive and proceed to knock on the door: 

"KNOCK-knock-knock-knock-knock-KNOCK-KNOCK" 

The name of the tune I knock on doors escapes me somewhat, but moving on... I waited a while and eventually a little face peered from the side window and promptly ordered me to "Go around the back!".

Charmed, I proceed round the rear and await the tenant to arrive at the back door, whilst I was waiting I couldn't help but think she should have been then at the door before me, but whatever. The door begins to open and I am greeted by a stale "whoft" of what I could only best describe to your nostrils as the smell of that of an old pair of sweaty P.E. socks (That's Gym socks, for the Americans) that had been left to mature in the corner of the boys changing rooms, not nice, but I get at least one like that every other day, so no problems.

The middle-aged lady greeted me and immediately swooned me over to the issue of the front door, going through the living room I suddenly realised why it took her so long, I'm still not completely sure but I believe there may have been living room furniture, somewhere deep underneath what was a mass of what only can be best describe as crap.

"Sorry about the mess, I'm in the middle of decorating."

Yes, I'm sure. If I had a pound for every time I heard that I'd have a couple hundred in my pocket by now.

As the lady guided me through the living room I couldn't help but notice drawings on the walls, but these weren't drawing's these were hand prints,  big brown blotchy hand prints specifically placed along with the numbers "666" on the tip of the pointer, index and ring finger, "OH, those were done by my lovely son, did you ever do anything like that when you were young?"

"You're a nutter, a complete and utter nutter love, what the hell is wrong with you?" I was tempted, but no.

"Hehe, no... not really." I awkwardly giggled as I cracked a smile.

We carried on to the hallway where the front door was, albeit halted by her lovely sons cat which she began cursing and promptly told me how she hated the animal and shoo-ed it out the way. The next second she halted again and side stepped around more crap, this time it was all cat stuff, scratching posts, water bowls & the like, enough for about 5 cats I'd say, I didn't see any more though. They must have been hiding in the living room....

After sorting the front door she then decided to whisk me into her bathroom to complain about an issue with a shower rail, but as we entered the bathroom, she abruptly told me to: "Ignore the smell, I don't flush the toilet, I don't want to waste the water." No. nooooooooooononononono-NO, I stopped breathing, I didn't want to smell it or even inhale what was lurking in the air in that bathroom, it was bound to be bad for me, but my lungs caved in, I gasped as quietly as I could whilst she had her back turned, only to see that she was pointing out her drawings on the wall next to the toilet "Don't flush the bucket!". Admittedly, I WAS rather impressed with her artistic skills, I didn't know someone could put so much effort into telling people not to flush their toilet, even though they've just left a large dose of excrement in there, lovely.

Well, there it is, my first post on one of the beauties that I work with, I hope you enjoyed the read and didn't get too bored by my ramblings, I may need to tone the blogs down a touch and try and get it all in there with less of a read, but well see, eh?

I hope you had a laugh,

-Your Confessing Council Worker.



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